Highway Patrol Ball

A woman gets pulled over for speeding by a California Highway Patrol motorcycle officer.When he walked up to her window and opened his ticket book she said, “I bet you’re going to sell me tickets tto the Highway Patrol Ball.”

He replied, “No, highway patrolmen don’t have balls.”There followed a moment of silence while she smiled and he realized what he had said. He then closed his book, got back on his motorcycle and left.

Jeans

A man visits his doctor. "I think I have a problem, doc," said the patient. "One of my balls has turned blue." The doctor examined the man briefly and concluded the patient would die if they didn’t have his testicle removed. "Are you crazy?!" exclaimed the patient, "How could I let you do such a thing to me?" "Do you want to die?", asked the doctor rhetorically, and the patient had to agree to have his testicle removed.
But two weeks after the operation, he came back. "Doc, I don’t know how to say this, but the other ball has turned blue too." Again, the doctor told him that if he wants to live, his other testicle must be cut off too. And again, the man was very reluctant.. "Hey, do you want to die?", asked the doc, and the patient had to agree to the operation.
But, about two weeks after he is testicleless, he returned to the doctor. "I think something is very wrong with me. My penis is now completely blue." After briefly examining the patient once again, the doc gives him the bad news. If he wants to live, his penis has to go. Of course, he did not want to hear about it. "You really want to die?", asked the doctor. "But... how do I pee?" "We’ll install an plastic pipe, and there will be no problem."
So, the penis is removed and a while after the operation, the unfortunate man again returns the doctor’s office. He is very angry. "Doctor, the plastic pipe turned blue."
"What?" "Can you tell me what a hell is happening?" So, the doctor examined the patient more carefully this time, and says,"Hmmmm, I think its the jeans......"

Laloo's Speech in English

Extract of Laloo Prasad’s thank you speech in english to all his guests at the conclusion of his daughter’s wedding festivities:
" I THANK YOU ALL FOR COMING FROM BOTTOM OF MY HEART AND ALSO FROM MY WIFE’S BOTTOM"..

The Reverend John Fuzz was pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day he was walking down Main Street and he happened to notice a female member of his congregation sitting in the town bar, drinking beer. The reverend thought this was sinful and not something a member of his congregation should do, so he walked through the open door of the bar and sat down next to the woman.
"Mrs. Fitzgerald," the reverend said sternly. "This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don’t you let me take you home?"
"Shure," she said with a slur, obviously very drunk.
When Mrs. Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and forth. The reverend realized that she had had too much to drink and he grabbed hold of her arms to steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor. After rolling around for a few seconds, the reverend wound up lying on top of Mrs. Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist.
The bartender looked over the bar and said, "Here, here, buddy, we won’t have any of that carrying on in this bar."
The reverend looked up at the bartender and said, "But you don’t understand, I’m Pastor Fuzz."
The bartender nodded. "Well if you’re that far you may as well finish..."

The Good News & Bad News

A man sat in his attorney’s office.
"Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?" the lawyer said.
"Give me the bad news first."
"Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars."
"That’s the bad news?" asked the man incredulously. "I can’t wait to hear the terrible news."
"The terrible news is that it’s of you and your secretary."

Divorced Barbie

A man was driving home one evening and realized it was his daughter’s birthday and he hadn’t bought her a present.. He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager "How much is that new Barbie in the window?"
The Manager replied, "Which one? We have ‘Barbie goes to the gym’
for $19.95
..
‘Barbie goes to the Ball’ for $19.95 ...
‘Barbie goes shopping for $19.95 ...
‘Barbie goes to the beach’ for $19.95 ...
‘Barbie goes to the Nightclub’ for $19.95
.. and
‘Divorced Barbie’ for $375.00".
"Why is the Divorced Barbie $375.00, when all the others are $19.95?" Dad asked surprised.
"Divorced Barbie comes with Ken’s car, Ken’s House, Ken’s boat, Ken’s dog, Ken’s cat and Ken’s furniture."