Coolest doubt in Mahabharat

In some remote village of India, one masterji is teaching the Mahabharat
katha to class 6 students.

He is at the krishnajanma' part of it. Masterji: "Kansa heard the
akashwani that his sister's 8th child is going to kill him.

He was furious. He ordered to put vasudev n devki behind the bars.

First son is born, and kansa kills him by poisoning...

Second one is born n kansa throws him off the mountain peak.

Third one is born." Now Ramu, who is smartest of the
lot, puts up his hand.

Masterji, I have a doubt (sounding nervous n confused)

Masterji: "Ramu bete, whole India does not have doubt in
Mahabharata

then how come u have one?"

Ramu : Masterji, if Kansa knew that Devaki's 8th child
was going to kill him,

WHY THE HELL DID HE PUT VASUDEV AND DEVAKI IN THE SAME
CELL ?

Masterji fainted.........................

Love, Lust and Marriage

LOVE - When your eyes meet across a crowded room.
LUST - When your tongues meet across a crowded room.
MARRIAGE - When you lose your child in crowded room.

LOVE - When intercourse is called "making love."
LUST - When intercourse is called "screwing."
MARRIAGE - What the hell are you talking about?

LOVE - When you argue over how many children to have.
LUST - When you argue over who gets the wet spot.
MARRIAGE - When you argue over money.

LOVE - When you share everything you own.
LUST - When you steal everything they own.
MARRIAGE - When the bank owns everything.

LOVE - When it doesn't matter if you don't climax.
LUST - When the relationship is over if you don't climax.
MARRIAGE - What's a climax?

LOVE - When you phone each other just to say, "Hi."
LUST - When you phone each other to pick a hotel room.
MARRIAGE - When you phone each other to bitch.

LOVE - When you write poems about your partner.
LUST - When all you write is your phone number.
MARRIAGE - When all you write is checks.

LOVE - When you show concern for your partner's feelings.
LUST - When you couldn't care less
MARRIAGE - When your only concern is what's on TV.

LOVE - When your farewell is "I love you, darling..."
LUST - When your farewell is "So, same time next week..."
MARRIAGE - When your farewell is a relief.

LOVE - When you are proud to be seen in public with your partner.
LUST - When you only see each other naked.
MARRIAGE - When you never see each other awake.

LOVE - When your heart flutters everytime you see them.
LUST - When your groin twitches everytime you see them.
MARRIAGE - When your wallet empties everytime you see them.

LOVE - When nobody else matters.
LUST - When nobody else knows.
MARRIAGE - When everybody else matters and you don't care who knows.

LOVE - When all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel.
LUST - When the song on the radio determines how you do it.
MARRIAGE - When you listen to talk radio.

LOVE - When breaking up is something you try not to think about.
LUST - When staying together is something you try not to think about.
MARRIAGE - When just getting through today is your only thought.

LOVE - When you're only interested in doing things with your partner.
LUST - When you're only interested in doing things TO your partner.
MARRIAGE - When you're only interested in your golf score.

Girls Atituted!!!

Girls with Attitude!!!

Is this what Girls think about Boys???
If u treat her nice she says
"yaar mujhe line de raha hai"
If u dont she says " kitna akarta hai"

If u dress nicely she says
"mujhay impress karna chata hai"

If u dont she says "tasteless hai yaar"

If u argue with her she says"ziddi hai"

If u sit quietly she says" dumb hai"

If u act smarter
"she'll lose her brain and say u r insulting her"

If she acts smarter "she think its her right"

If u dont love her she says "is ka to pehlay say hi 2,
3 larkioon k saath chakar hai"

If u love her she says"peechay hi par gaya hai"

If u dont give her a kiss she says
" tum mujh say serious naheen ho"

If u give her a kiss she says" sab ko line deta hoga"

If u r skinny she says "u shud have
appropriate mass at appropriate places"

If u r healthy she says "u shud b smart"

If u dont tell her ur problems she says
" ur not honest with me"

If u do tell to her she says "ur a problem child"

If u scold her she says
"you act like a nanny giving lectures"

If she scolds u she says "Yaar, its becoz I care"

If u break a promise she says
"she does not trust u any more"

If she breaks she says "jan mein majbour thi"

If u do good in exams she says
"qismat ne saath diya warna tum or good marks"

If she gets goods mark she says"" its my brain"

If u hurt her she says
"u r cruel & dont care for my feelings"

If she hurts you she replies "u r not understanding"
& they claim the (girls) r not Hypocrites??!!!
....................

Racist, but funny

Chinese switchboard

Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?

Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!

Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?

Caller: I'm Sum Wan ..And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.

Operator: I know u are someone and u want to talk to anyone! But what's this
urgent matter about?

Caller: Well just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother, Noe Wan was
involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent
to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.

Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital
from the accident that isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious
but I don't have time for this!

Caller: Why you so rude! Who are you?

Operator: I'm Saw Lee.

Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!

The Equations in India

1. SSC + HSC + BCOM + MBA = UNEMPLYOMENT

2. An Idea + An Idiot = A Dot com.

3. 1 hand + 10 kg weight = Sunny Deol

4. Sushmita Sen - 1.2 feet = Salman Khan.

5. Special Effects in Shampoo ads = Special effects in Jurassic park.

6. 4 weeks in Switzerland + London + New Zealand + Canada = a 4 minute

song in Hindi movie.

7. Ajay Devgan + cosmetic surgery + acting ability + personality + own

production company = Kajol

8. Rona dhona x Bewafai x Badle ki aag = Your mum's favourite serials.

9. Amitabh Bachchan - Mrityudaata + Kaun Banega Crorepati = A SUPERSTAR.

10. Amitabh Bachchan + Jaya Bachchan = Abhishek Bachchan

11. Any actor + Any actress + many movies = David Dhawan

12. 1 smile + 32 teeth = Govinda

13. 1 person - shirt = Salman Khan

14. 1 person + straight hair + un-straight walk = Sanjay Dutt

15. One engagement + Two weddings + Three wedding songs + Four hundred

Relatives + A house bigger than Buckingham Palace = One sooraj Barjataya

Film

AND the winner is...

16. One S/W engineer + No work = Blogging…

Cool Quotes

Keep your office clean... stay home!!!

Be quiet in the office... respect the fact that others sleep!

When you get this E MAIL, send it to 1 person u love, 1 u hate, 1 u always
think of and 1 u wish to kill. Now, keep guessing why I sent it to u.

The IDEAL man does not smoke, does not drink, does not flirt, goes to bed
early, in short ... does not exist

Sometime my mind asks why I miss you? Why I care for you? Why I remember
you? Then my heart answers it's simply because mental patient needs more
care.

Like energy, love can neither be created nor destroyed. It can just be
transferred from one girlfriend to another girl friend.

And the final one...

Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, small
people talk about others... But  legends never talk, they send E MAIL.    
   

 

Arz Liya Hai ...

Arz Liya Hai ...

Tajmahal ko dekhkar bola shahajahan ka pota
Tajmahal ko dekhkar bola shahajahan ka pota
aaj hamara bhi bank balance hota agar dada diwana na hota
 

Why Do These Dogs Hate Their Owner?

Why Do These Dogs Hate Their Owner?

Bubble Bath

A new lady teacher came to teach 8th standard students. As it was the first day, she gave her intro, and asked all the students to introduce themselves with name and hobby. She said, "Let's start with the boys first". Boys start giving their intro...
First boy: "My name is John, and my hobby is to see bubble in the Bathtub".
Teacher was confused to listen but said, "Interesting.
Well, Ok. In fact, we must be honest in telling the hobby. And after all there is essentially a child in each of us. So it's ok John. Yes next".
Second boy: "Myself Peter and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub."
Teacher now got surprised and said, "Good. I like the spirit of supporting a friend. Ok next".
Third boy: "I'm Smith and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub".
Teacher: "Guys are you joking or what? Please be sincere. Ok next".
This continues...
And the last boy stands up "I'm Harry and my hobby is to see Bubble in the bathtub".
Exhausted, the teacher said, "I don't think I will be able to teach un-grown boys for long. Anyway, now the girls please."
First girl: "I'm Julie and my hobby is to see birds".
Teacher: "Good. At last I got something different. Ok next".
Second girl: "I'm Ruby and I like to collect perfumes".
Teacher "Now it's like educated grown up girls. Ok next.
You sweet Girl; Yes you..."
Most beautiful girl of the class gets up:
"Ma'am, my name is Bubble, and my hobby is to take bath three times a day"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

The Definition

[1] Fool
Earth may stop Rotating,
Birds may stop Flying,
Candles may stop Melting,
Fishes may stop Swimming,
Heart may stop Beating,
But your Brain will
never start working!


[2] Lunatic
I've written nice poem 4 you.
Twinkle Twinkle Little Star..
you should Know What you R..
& Once you Know What you R..
Mental Hospital is not So Far..



[3] Dead Fool
Why are Egyptian's Children always confused??
Coz after death, their DADDY becomes the MUMMY.


[4] Mental
My friend, the best quality
that I like about u is that,
U R very sentimental ....
10% Senti and 90% Mental..!


[5] Animal
Birds love you,
monkeys love you,
hippos love you,
snakes love you,
tortoise love you,
giraffe loves you.....
Please go back to ZOO,
they all really miss you!


[6] Tough Luck
Sincere Apology: If u dont like
any of my SMS n dont like 2 read,
then plz dont hesitate, feel free
to..... throw ur mobile!!


[7] Doggone
After engagement : Superman
After Marriage : Gentleman
After 10 years : Watchman
After 20 years : Doberman


[8] Joker
Sorry 4 disturbing u.
can u fax me ur photo,
its very urgent,
serious matter has
comeup actually,
we r playing cards
and I lost the joker


[9] Monkey
What happened 2 ur network?
I tried 2 call u but the operator
said "Welcome 2 the jungle,
the monkey u r trying to call is
on the tree....Plz try later."


[10] Brainless
Scientists all over the world
r wondering how long a human
being can live without a brain...
Kindly tell them ur age...

15 Reasons Why Choccolate Is Better Than Sex

You can GET chocolate.
Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.
Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty
names.
The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.
You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working
hours without upsetting your work mates.
You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
With chocolate there's no need to fake it.
You can have chocolate at any time of the month.
You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
You are never too young or too old for chocolate.
When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbors awake
With chocolate size doesn't matter; it's always good

Sharpen your Brain

Once upon a time a very strong woodcutter ask for a job in a timber
merchant, and he got it. The pay was really good and so were the work
conditions. For that reason, the woodcutter was determined to do his
best.
His boss gave him an axe and showed him the area where he was supposed to
work.
The first day, the woodcutter brought 18 trees "Congratulations," the
boss said. "Go on that way!"
Very motivated for the boss' words, the woodcutter try harder the next
day, but he only could bring 15 trees. The third day he try even harder,
but he only could bring 10 trees. Day after day he was bringing less and
less trees.
"I must be losing my strength", the woodcutter thought. He went to the
boss and apologized, saying that he could not understand what was going
on.
"When was the last time you sharpened your axe?" the boss asked.
"Sharpen? I had no time to sharpen my axe. I have been very busy trying
to cut trees.
Our lives are like that. We sometimes get so busy that we don't take time
to "sharpen the axe."
In today's world, it seems that everyone is busier than ever, but less
happier than ever.
Why is that? Could it be that we have forgotten how to stay sharp?
There's nothing wrong with activity and hard work.
But we should not get so busy that we neglect the truly
important things in life,
like taking time to pray, to read, care for personal life .
We all need time to relax, to think and meditate, to learn and grow.
If we don't take time to sharpen the axe, we will become dull and lose
our effectiveness.
So start Today, Think about the ways by which you could do your job
more effectively and add a lot of value to it .

Priceless!!

One night a guy took his girlfriend home. As they were about to wish each other goodnight at the front door, the guy started feeling a little in the mood.
With an air of confidence, he leaned with his hand against the wall and smiling, he said to her "Honey, would you give me a kiss?"
Horrified, she replied, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"
"Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" He asked grinning at her.
"No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"
"Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!".
"No way. It's just too risky!"
"Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?"
"No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!".
"Oh yes you can. Please?"....................
"No, no. I just can't"
"I'm begging you .. "
Out of the blue, the light on the stairs went on, and the girl's older sister showed up in her pajamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she said,
"Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss, or I can do it. Or if need be, mom says she can come down herself and do it, but for God's sake and all of ours....
"TELL HIM TO TAKE HIS HAND OFF THE DOOR BELL!!"

The Value

To realize The value of character: Ask someone who has lost it. As,If wealth is gone nothing is gone, If health is gone something is gone, But if character is gone everything is gone, which can never be achieved even at the cost of Health & wealth.

To realize The value of a sister: Ask someone Who doesn't have one.

To realize The value of ten years: Ask a newly Divorced couple.

To realize The value of four years: Ask a graduate.

To realize The value of one year: Ask a student who Has failed a final exam.

To realize The value of nine months: Ask a mother who gave birth to a still born.

To realize The value of one month: Ask a mother who has given birth to A premature baby.

To realize The value of one week: Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize The value of one hour: Ask the lovers who are waiting to Meet.

To realize The value of one minute: Ask a person Who has missed the train, bus or plane.

To realize The value of one-second: Ask a person Who has survived an accident...

To realize The value of one millisecond: Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics Time waits for no one. Treasure every moment you have. You will treasure it even more when you can share it with someone special.

To realize the value of a friend: Lose one.

Jobless man vs. Microsoft

A jobless man applied for the position of "office boy" at Microsoft.The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test.
"You are employed" he said. "Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start".
The man replied "But I don't have a computer, neither an email".
"I'm sorry", said the HR manager. If you don't have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job."
The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate.He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round.
In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the operation three times, and returned home with $60. The man realized that he can survive by this way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late. Thus, his money doubled or tripled every day. Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, and then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.
5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US.
He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life insurance. He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan.
When the conversation was concluded the broker asked him his email.
The man replied, "I don't have an email." The broker answered curiously,"You don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an email?!!"
The man thought for a while and replied, "Yes, I'd be an office boy at Microsoft!"
Moral of the story :
M1 - Internet is not the solution to your life.
M2 - If you don't have internet, and work hard, you can be a millionaire.
M3 - If you received this message by email, you are closer to being an office boy/girl, than a millionaire...
Have a great day!!!
P.S - I am going to sell tomatoes now!!!!

An Engineering Master Piece

During the construction phase...... Dubai , United Arab Emirates


All finished. Notice the palm trees outside..........
Remember, this is in the middle of the desert....

The very HOT desert where temperatures get up to 120 degrees.....
Unbelievable!
But true.....
The INSIDE view:


And you wonder why gas is $2.39 gallon....!!