Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary. They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years. Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known "happy going marriage".
Editor: "Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible?"
Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said: "We had been to Shimla for honeymoon after marriage. Having selected the horse riding finally, we both started the ride on different horses. My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one.
On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over. Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse's back and said "This is your first time". She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again. This time she again kept calm and said "This is your second time" and continued. When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead!!
I shouted at my wife: "What did you do you psycho. You killed the poor animal. Are you crazy?"
She gave a silent look and said: "This is your first time!!!"."
Husband: "That's it. We are happily married ever after"
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
The secret of happy marriage
Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men!
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap
table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet
twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much
luckier when I'm completely nude." With that, she
stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and
yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As
the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and
squealed......
"YES! YES! I WON, I WON!"
She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her
winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The
dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one
of them asked,
"What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know
- I thought you were watching!"
Moral - Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men!
Friday, January 25, 2008
The making of Taare Zameen Par - Clay Animation
Shaadi.com Profiles
This is Ultimate.................I bet u can't stop laughing.
These are Girls profiles taken from shaadi.com These are actual ads on
a matrimony site. Grammar and spelling errors have no place in a
profile description as everything is straight from the heart!
Disclaimer : I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar
after reading this mail...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hello To Viewers My Name is Sowmya , I am single i dont have male,If
any one whant to marrie to me u can visite to my home. I am not a good
education but i working all field in bangalore .. if u like me u
welcome to my heart... when ever u whant to meet pls visit my resident
or send u letter..
Thanks
yours Regards Sowmya ~*~
(Truly yours)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i want very simple boy. from brahmin educated family from Orissa state
she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework
(Wut Homework?)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I
love to make friendship. Becauese friendship is a first step of love.
I am looking for my dreamboy who will love me more than i. Because i
love myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on
........hold my hand forever !!!
(The dilwale dulhaniya effect)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i am simple girl. I have lot of problemin my life because of my
lucknow i am looking one boy he care me and love me lot lot lot
(I don't know why but this is one of my favorites)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i want a boy with no drinks if he wants he can wear jeans in house but
while steping out of house he should give recpect to our cast
(by not wearing his jeans? Wat the hell...)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING GIRL,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO
LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL
MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A BOY
THEY ARE
1. THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.
2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION
3. THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH.
(all of us are loughing {laughing})
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
whatever he may be but he should feel that he is going to be someone
groom and he must think of the future life if he is toolike this he
would be called the man of the lamp
(I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this girl wants)
Infact she doesn ?t know wat she wants ?.. ? A LAMP ? ?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and I
love the patner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok
(I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok". The person is
suffering from "Ok-syndrome")
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
iam pranati my family histoy my two brother two sister and father &
mother sister completely married
(somebody please explain in comments section how to get married
'completely'?)
( Confused ????? )
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
my name is farhanbegum and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me
pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes
(height of desperation! J )
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
iam kanandevi. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred.
(No comments)
(Plz ? for gods sake ask somebody ?s help in framing sentence )
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
hello i am a good charactarised woman. i want to run my life happily.
i divorced my first husband. his charactor is not good'. i expect the
good minded and clean habits boy who may be in the same caste or other
caste accepted ...
(but credit cards not accepted..???)
(Perhaps Debit Cards accepted ?.. Clean Habit s??????? Is there
anything like that.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am Sharmila my colour is black, but my heart is white. i like social
service.
(Zebra..???)
(Gosh!!!!!!!! she knows her heart color)
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Engineers Vs. Managers
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost.
She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit moreand shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I wouldmeet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am."
The man below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hoveringapproximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.
"I am", replied the man. "How did you know?"
"Well, answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technicallycorrect, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and thefact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. Ifanything you've delayed my trip even more."
The man below responded, "You must be in management."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the man, "You don't know where you are or where you'regoing. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hotair. You made a promise which you've no idea how to keep, and youexpect people beneath you to solve your problems."
My Loving Wife!
A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room. So hedecided to send an E-MAIL to his wife.
However he accidentally typed the wrong e-mail address and withoutrealising his error, he sent the message. Meanwhile,
Somewhere a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral.The widow decided to check her mail,
Expecting message from her relatives and friends.; After reading thefirst message she fainted..
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor,and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My loving wifeSubject: I've just reachedDate: 13th Oct 2006
I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers herenow, and you are allowed to sent e-mails to your loved ones.
I've just reached and have been checked in. I see that everything hasbeen prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeingyou.
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was;
MORAL OF STORY - be careful while sending mails if not mishaps likethese happen.
Indians are Indians....
A ship sank in high seas and the following people got stranded on abeautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere:
A. 2 Italian men and 1 Italian womanB. 2 French men and 1 French womanC. 2 German men and 1 German womanD. 2 Greek men and 1 Greek womanE. 2 Polish men and 1 Polish womanF. 2 Mexican men and 1 Mexican womanG. 2 Indian men and 1 Indian woman
What a Crazy coincidence! One month later, on various parts of the island,the following was observed:
A. One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
B. The two French men and the French woman are living happily together.
C. The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they spend timewith the German woman.
D. The two Greek men are happy together, and the Greek woman is cooking &cleaning for them.
E. The two Polish men took a long look at the endless ocean and a long lookat the Polish woman, and they started swimming.
F. The two Mexican men are talking to all the other men on the islandtryingto sell them the Mexican woman.
G. The 2 Indian men are still waiting for someone to introduce them to theIndian woman!
Height Of Misunderstanding
Mr. Sharma comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck:
"I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby!
The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, wecan't tell anybody." The next day, Mrs. Sharma receives a telephonecall from Reliance Energy because the electricity bill has not beenpaid.
"Am I speaking to Mrs. Sharma?"
"Yes... speaking"
Reliance guy, "You're a month overdue, you know!"
"How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman.
"Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the Reliance guy.
"What are you saying? It's in your files ...HOW?????"
" Yes............. We have a system of finding out who's overdue "
" GOD!!!!!!... ...... This is too much........ .."
Madam, I am sorry... I am following orders.... I have to inform youare overdue"
"I know that ... let me talk to my husband about this tonight. .... Hewill speak to your company tomorrow "
That night, she tells her husband about the incident, and he, mad asa bull, rushes to Reliance office the next day morning.
"What's going on? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue?
What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts.
"Just calm down," says the lady at the reception at Reliance, "it'snothing serious. All you have to do is pay us."
"PAY you? And if I refuse?"
"Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off."
"And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks.
" I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle."
Thursday, January 17, 2008
The Fool
Five friends lived in a room, Namely MAD, BRAIN, FOOL, NOBODY, SOMEBODY.
One day SOMEBODY killed NOBODY. At that time BRAIN was in bathroom,
MAD called police..
MAD: Is it police station ???
Police: Yes, what is the matter ???
MAD: SOMEBODY killed NOBODY.
Police: Are you mad?
MAD: Yes, I"m MAD.
Police: Don`t you have BRAIN.
MAD: BRAIN is in bathroom....
Police: you FOOL...
MAD: No, FOOL is reading this joke.
Plan B
A woman was serving a life sentence in prison. Angry and resentful
about her situation, she had decided that she would rather die than to
live another year in prison.
Over the years she had become good friends with one of the prison
caretakers. His job, among others, was to bury those prisoners who
died in a graveyard just outside the prison walls. When a prisoner
died, the caretaker rang a bell, which was heard by everyone. The
caretaker then got the body and put it in a casket. Next, he entered
his office to fill out the death certificate before returning to the
casket to nail the lid shut. Finally, he put the casket on a wagon to
take it to the graveyard and bury it.
Knowing this routine, the woman devised an escape plan and shared it
with the caretaker. The next time the bell rang, the woman would leave
her cell and sneak into the dark room where the coffins were kept. She
would slip into the coffin with the dead body while the caretaker was
filling out the death certificate. When the care-taker returned, he
would nail the lid shut and take the coffin outside the prison with
the woman in the coffin along with the dead body. He would then bury
the coffin. The woman knew there would be enough air for her to
breathe until later in the evening, when the caretaker would return to
the graveyard under the cover of darkness, dig up the coffin, open it,
and set her free.
The caretaker was reluctant to go along with this plan, but since he
and the woman had become good friends over the years, he agreed to do
it.
The woman waited several weeks before someone in the prison died. She
was asleep in her cell when she heard the death bell ring. She got up
and slowly walked down the hallway. She was nearly caught a couple of
times. Her heart was beating fast. She opened the door to the darkened
room where the coffins were kept. Quietly in the dark, she found the
coffin that contained the dead body, carefully climbed into the coffin
and pulled the lid shut to wait for the caretaker to come and nail the
lid shut.
Soon she heard footsteps and the pounding of the hammer and nails.
Even though she was very uncomfortable in the coffin with the dead
body, she knew that with each nail she was one step closer to freedom.
The coffin was lifted onto the wagon and taken outside to the
graveyard. She could feel the coffin being lowered into the ground.
She didn't make a sound as the coffin hit the bottom of the grave with
a thud. Finally she heard the dirt dropping onto the top of the wooden
coffin, and she knew that it was only a matter of time until she would
be free at last. After several minutes of absolute silence, she began
to laugh. She was free! She was free! Feeling curious, she decided to
light a match to find out the identity of the dead prisoner beside
her.
To her horror, she discovered that she was lying next to the dead caretaker!!
Many people believe they have life all figured out, but sometimes it
just doesn't turn out the way they planned it.
Think of a 'Plan B'!!!
The Real Definitions
School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.
Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that
you can die Rich.
Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.
Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree
and a woman gains her masters.
Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by
feminine waterpower.
Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the
Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the
minds of either"
Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody
believes he got the biggest piece.
Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.
Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and
everybody disagrees later on.
Father: A banker provided by nature.
Criminal: A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.
Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your
Confidence after.
Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.
Classic: Books, which people praise, but do not read.
Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to
decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be wise after death.
Sunday, January 06, 2008
Mediclaim
A couple went to a sex therapists office at ABC Hospital.
The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us having sex, for your expert
analysis?"
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.
When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing
wrong with the way you have intercourse, "
and charged them Rs.300 ..
This happened several weeks in a row.
The couple would make an Appointment, have intercourse with no
problems, pay the doctor and Then leave.
Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to
findout?"
The man said, "We're not trying to find out anything.
She's married And we can't go to her house - I'm married and we
can't go to my house.
The Oberoi charges Rs. 2500, Taj charges Rs.2000, Le Meridian
charges Rs.1500.
We do it here for Rs.300, and I get that back from Mediclaim.
