Secret Mobile Code - Try this out on your cellphone

*Use ur mobile*

*Go 2 NEW TEXT message option and activate (T9) - Dictionary and then
hide Ur screen with Ur hand and type *

277451366514612382623

*And see a hidden message in your mobile. Every phone has unique message inbuilt into it*

*It will disappear in 20 seconds if it is Nokia phone and Nokia screen saver will come....for other phones default theme will be automatically applied.....*

You can always trust a Priest!!

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"

"Of course my child. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits. I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"

The priest answered: "I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you". So the Priest hides the hair dryer under his robes.

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.

The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."

Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father……. Next!"

The Secret of Happy Marriage.

Once X asked Y, "What is the secret behind your happy married life?"

Y said, "You should share responsibilities with due love and respect to each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems."

X asked, "Can you explain?"

Y said, "In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other's decisions."

Still not convinced, X asked Y "Give me some examples"

Y said," Smaller issues like which car we should buy, how much amount to save, when to visit home town, which Sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator to buy, monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc are decided by my wife. I just agree to it"

X asked, "Then what is your role?"

Y said," My decisions are only for very big issues. Like whether America should attack Iran, whether Britain should lift sanction over Zimbabwe, whether to widen African economy, whether Sachin Tendulkar should retire etc etc. Do you know one thing, my wife NEVER objects to any of these".

Trip To Mars

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one person could go, and he would never return to Earth.

The first applicant, an American engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going.
"A million dollars", he answered, "because I wish to donate it to M.I.T."

The next applicant, a Russian doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for two million dollars. "I wish to give a million to my family, he explained, "and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research."

The last applicant was an Indian politician (Laloo Yadav). When asked how much money he wanted, He whispered in the interviewer's ear, "Three million dollars." "Why so much more than the others?" the interviewer asked. The Indian Politician replied, "$1 million is for you, I'll keep $1 million, and we'll give the American engineer $1 million and send him to Mars.

Sardar Jokes

Sardarji: I divorced my wife on d 1st nite.
Frnd: Why?
Sardar: I saw d lebel on her panties, "Tested OK by Mafatlal & Sons."

Sardar: Yaar meri biwi paan i se bahut darti hai.
Frnd: Tujhe kaise pata?
Sardar: Dopahar ko ghar aaya to woh bathtub mein security guard k sath naha rahi thi.

Blood test k liye ek nurse ne ek sardar ki ungli se blood lene k baad ungli chusi, sardara hasa.
Nurse: Kyun hasa?
Sardar: Iske baad urine test hai.

Husband & wife having dinner together.
Wife: Darling, tell me something that would make me both happy & sad.
Husband: Ur nipples r bettr than ur sister's!

Suhag raat pe husband ne wife ko 500 ka note deke kaha- Humne yeh kam kabhi free mein nahin kia. Wife ne 200 wapas deke kaha- Humne bhi apno se kabhi jyada nahin liya.

Judge: Can u tell me d exact place where dis man raped ur wife?
Sardar lifted Sardarni's saari & undrwr & said, "Here, my lord, here."

The Phone bill

The phone bill was exceptionally high and the
man of the house called a family meeting...

Dad: People this is unacceptable. You have
to limit the use of the phone. I do not use this
phone, I use the one at the office.

Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home
telephone as I use my work telephone

Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I
always use my company mobile

Maid: So Manje what is the problem? We all
use our work telephones

Free Oranges

Lulu was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to
know. One day, the police raided a whole group of prostitutes
at a sex party in a hotel, and Lulu was among them. The police
took them outside and had all the prostitutes line up along
the driveway when suddenly, Lulu's grandma came by
and saw her granddaughter.

Grandma asked, 'Why are you standing in line here, dear?'

Not willing to let her grandmother know the truth, Lulu
told her grandmother that the policemen were passing out
free oranges and she was just lining up for some.

'Why, that's awfully nice of them. I think I'll get some for myself,'
Grandma said, and she proceeded to the back of the line.

A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all
of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, he was bewildered and
exclaimed, 'Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it?'

Grandma replied, 'Oh, it's easy, dear. I just take my
dentures out, rip the skin back and suck them dry.'

The policeman fainted!

New Math?

A boy was teaching a girl arithmetic, he said it was his mission.
He kissed her once; he kissed her twice and said, "Now that's addition."
In silent satisfaction, she sweetly gave the kisses back and said, "Now that's subtraction."
Then he kissed her, she kissed him, without an explanation.
And both together smiled and said, "That's multiplication."
Then her Dad appeared upon the scene and made a quick decision.
He kicked that boy three blocks away and said, "That's long division!"

The First Politician

An archeological team, digging in Washington DC , has uncovered 10,000 year old bones and fossil remains Of what is believed to be the first Politician.

Loyal wife

There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his
money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.
Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to
take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my
money to the afterlife with me."
And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when
he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.
Well, he died.

He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in
black, and her friend was sitting next to her.
When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got
ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!" She
had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the
casket.
Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.
Her friend said, "I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money
in there with your husband."
The loyal wife replied "Listen, I'm a Christian; I can't go back on my
word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket
with him."
"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?"
"I sure did" said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my
account and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it."

A Funny Funeral

One of the city's top cardiac specialists died. At his funeral, his coffin was placed in front of a huge replica of a heart made of red roses.

When the pastor finished the sermon, and everyone said their goodbyes, the large heart opened up, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed again. It was a majestic tribute to the much loved cardiologist.

Suddenly, one of the mourners burst into a fit of laughter.

Irritated by his insensitivity, the man sitting next to him asked, "Why are you laughing, Mister?"
"I was just thinking about my own funeral," the man replied, "I'm a gynaecologist"...

Guy's Rules

Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!

Please note.. these are all numbered "1"ON PURPOSE!


1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport.And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work!Strong hints do not work!Obvious hints do not work!Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor..
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done.Not both.If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not wor th the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really ..
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

7 kinds of sex

Results of a recent research show that there are
7 kinds of sex.

The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex.
* This kind of sex happens when you first meet
Someone and you both have sex until you are
Blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex.
* This is when you have been with your partner
For a short time and you are so needy you will
Have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex.
* This is when you have been with your partner
For a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and
You usually have sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex
* This is when you have been with your partner
For too long. When you pass each other in the
Hallway you both say "screw you."

The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex.
* Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun
In the afternoon and Nun at night.(Very Popular)

The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex.
* This is when you cannot stand your wife any
More. She takes you to court and screws you
In front of everyone.

And; Last, but not least,
The 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex.
* You get a little each month.
But not enough to enjoy your self.

"Guts " and "Balls"

Distinction between "Guts " and "Balls" Medical Distinctions

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them?

In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below...

GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: "You're next."

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.

Medically speaking , there is no difference in the outcome, since both ultimately result in death.