The Origin of Human Race

A little girl asked her mother, 'How did the humanrace appear?'
The mother answered, 'God made Adam and Eve and theyhad children and so was all mankind made.'
Two days later she asked her father the same question.The father answered, 'Many years ago there weremonkeys from which the human race was developed.'
The confused girl returned to her mother and said,'Mom, how is it possible that you told me that thehuman race was created by God and Papa says they weredeveloped from monkeys?'
The mother answered, 'Well, dear, it is very simple. Itold you about the origin of my side of the family andyour father told you about his side.

Ten ways to stop those credit card sales, mobile companies, insurance calls from irritating you

1. After the telemarketer finishes speaking, ask him/her to marry you.
2. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment, and ask him/her, if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back.
3. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.
4. Tell them it is dinnertime, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.
5. Tell them that all business goes through your agent, and hand the phone to your five year old child.
6. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up.... louder... louder... louder!
7. If they start out with, "How are you today?", say "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems............."
8. Tell them to speak very slowly because you want to write every word down.
9. Cry out in surprise, "Helen, is that you? I've been hoping you'd call! How is the family?" When they insist they are not Helen, tell them to stop joking. This works especially well if the telemarketer is really MALE.
10. Tell the ICICI call centre guy to call on your office number - and give him the HSBC call centre number.

How To Fly Cheap in India

An airline ticket for Re 1 can make anyone go bonkers. Anyone will experience a ear-to-ear grin and excitement.

Flying for such rates was unheard in India sometime back and flying for Re 1 was just unthinkable!

Booking tickets through web that too with low cost airlines in India, it’s almost as if one is flying for free. Majority of us Indians, are long used to our trains and buses to travel from one tip to the other corner of the country. We wouldn’t' have thought of flying as an option.

Flying was for biggies, company work, or when one could afford their high amount fares, or in a dire state of emergency. But these sites and private low-cost airlines offering abnormally cheap tickets makes us sit-up and literally rub our eyes to check that we aren't imagining the ticket prices.

"Hey! I can buy that ticket," is what most of us said and are saying, while searching for ways and means to get hold of them. The thumb rule to get hold of the cheapest tickets is to book tickets through Yatra.com.

If planning to fly on their Bangalore-Mumbai or Bangalore- Delhi route, the amount that you pay is between Rs.2500 to Rs.3500!!! (incl. taxes)

You don’t have to try your luck in advance booking with your travel agent, as in the case of Yatra.com the tickets are all time cheap.

Want luxury as well as low cost? Then Kingfisher Airlines (It calls itself a value carrier) is a good idea.

If lucky you can get a Kingfisher class offering inflight entertainment with a personal television screen at the back of each seat and all the works for Rs 4000 - Rs. 5500 (Incl. Taxes) for the Bangalore-Mumbai. Log on to www.yatra.com

Secret Mobile Code - Try this out on your cellphone

*Use ur mobile*

*Go 2 NEW TEXT message option and activate (T9) - Dictionary and then
hide Ur screen with Ur hand and type *

277451366514612382623

*And see a hidden message in your mobile. Every phone has unique message inbuilt into it*

*It will disappear in 20 seconds if it is Nokia phone and Nokia screen saver will come....for other phones default theme will be automatically applied.....*

You can always trust a Priest!!

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"

"Of course my child. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits. I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"

The priest answered: "I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you". So the Priest hides the hair dryer under his robes.

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.

The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."

Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father……. Next!"

The Secret of Happy Marriage.

Once X asked Y, "What is the secret behind your happy married life?"

Y said, "You should share responsibilities with due love and respect to each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems."

X asked, "Can you explain?"

Y said, "In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other's decisions."

Still not convinced, X asked Y "Give me some examples"

Y said," Smaller issues like which car we should buy, how much amount to save, when to visit home town, which Sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator to buy, monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc are decided by my wife. I just agree to it"

X asked, "Then what is your role?"

Y said," My decisions are only for very big issues. Like whether America should attack Iran, whether Britain should lift sanction over Zimbabwe, whether to widen African economy, whether Sachin Tendulkar should retire etc etc. Do you know one thing, my wife NEVER objects to any of these".

Trip To Mars

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one person could go, and he would never return to Earth.

The first applicant, an American engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going.
"A million dollars", he answered, "because I wish to donate it to M.I.T."

The next applicant, a Russian doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for two million dollars. "I wish to give a million to my family, he explained, "and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research."

The last applicant was an Indian politician (Laloo Yadav). When asked how much money he wanted, He whispered in the interviewer's ear, "Three million dollars." "Why so much more than the others?" the interviewer asked. The Indian Politician replied, "$1 million is for you, I'll keep $1 million, and we'll give the American engineer $1 million and send him to Mars.

Sardar Jokes

Sardarji: I divorced my wife on d 1st nite.
Frnd: Why?
Sardar: I saw d lebel on her panties, "Tested OK by Mafatlal & Sons."

Sardar: Yaar meri biwi paan i se bahut darti hai.
Frnd: Tujhe kaise pata?
Sardar: Dopahar ko ghar aaya to woh bathtub mein security guard k sath naha rahi thi.

Blood test k liye ek nurse ne ek sardar ki ungli se blood lene k baad ungli chusi, sardara hasa.
Nurse: Kyun hasa?
Sardar: Iske baad urine test hai.

Husband & wife having dinner together.
Wife: Darling, tell me something that would make me both happy & sad.
Husband: Ur nipples r bettr than ur sister's!

Suhag raat pe husband ne wife ko 500 ka note deke kaha- Humne yeh kam kabhi free mein nahin kia. Wife ne 200 wapas deke kaha- Humne bhi apno se kabhi jyada nahin liya.

Judge: Can u tell me d exact place where dis man raped ur wife?
Sardar lifted Sardarni's saari & undrwr & said, "Here, my lord, here."

The Phone bill

The phone bill was exceptionally high and the
man of the house called a family meeting...

Dad: People this is unacceptable. You have
to limit the use of the phone. I do not use this
phone, I use the one at the office.

Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home
telephone as I use my work telephone

Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I
always use my company mobile

Maid: So Manje what is the problem? We all
use our work telephones

Free Oranges

Lulu was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to
know. One day, the police raided a whole group of prostitutes
at a sex party in a hotel, and Lulu was among them. The police
took them outside and had all the prostitutes line up along
the driveway when suddenly, Lulu's grandma came by
and saw her granddaughter.

Grandma asked, 'Why are you standing in line here, dear?'

Not willing to let her grandmother know the truth, Lulu
told her grandmother that the policemen were passing out
free oranges and she was just lining up for some.

'Why, that's awfully nice of them. I think I'll get some for myself,'
Grandma said, and she proceeded to the back of the line.

A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all
of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, he was bewildered and
exclaimed, 'Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it?'

Grandma replied, 'Oh, it's easy, dear. I just take my
dentures out, rip the skin back and suck them dry.'

The policeman fainted!

New Math?

A boy was teaching a girl arithmetic, he said it was his mission.
He kissed her once; he kissed her twice and said, "Now that's addition."
In silent satisfaction, she sweetly gave the kisses back and said, "Now that's subtraction."
Then he kissed her, she kissed him, without an explanation.
And both together smiled and said, "That's multiplication."
Then her Dad appeared upon the scene and made a quick decision.
He kicked that boy three blocks away and said, "That's long division!"

The First Politician

An archeological team, digging in Washington DC , has uncovered 10,000 year old bones and fossil remains Of what is believed to be the first Politician.

Loyal wife

There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his
money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.
Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to
take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my
money to the afterlife with me."
And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when
he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.
Well, he died.

He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in
black, and her friend was sitting next to her.
When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got
ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!" She
had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the
casket.
Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.
Her friend said, "I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money
in there with your husband."
The loyal wife replied "Listen, I'm a Christian; I can't go back on my
word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket
with him."
"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?"
"I sure did" said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my
account and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it."