Genie in the bottle.....

Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf.
Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.
The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us."
So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door.
A warm voice said, "Come on in.." When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window.
A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my window?"
"Uh....yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied.
"Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll Give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself.."
"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for! the rest of my life."
"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can do.. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!"
"And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked. "I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world," she said. "Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!"
"And now," the couple asked in unison, "what's your wish, genie?"
" Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to sleep with your wife."
The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?"
She mull! led it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?"
"You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband.
"I'd do the same for you!" So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable. After about three hours of non-stop fun, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your husband?"
"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.
"Really?! Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?"

The Origin of Human Race

A little girl asked her mother, 'How did the humanrace appear?'
The mother answered, 'God made Adam and Eve and theyhad children and so was all mankind made.'
Two days later she asked her father the same question.The father answered, 'Many years ago there weremonkeys from which the human race was developed.'
The confused girl returned to her mother and said,'Mom, how is it possible that you told me that thehuman race was created by God and Papa says they weredeveloped from monkeys?'
The mother answered, 'Well, dear, it is very simple. Itold you about the origin of my side of the family andyour father told you about his side.

Ten ways to stop those credit card sales, mobile companies, insurance calls from irritating you

1. After the telemarketer finishes speaking, ask him/her to marry you.
2. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment, and ask him/her, if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back.
3. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.
4. Tell them it is dinnertime, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.
5. Tell them that all business goes through your agent, and hand the phone to your five year old child.
6. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up.... louder... louder... louder!
7. If they start out with, "How are you today?", say "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems............."
8. Tell them to speak very slowly because you want to write every word down.
9. Cry out in surprise, "Helen, is that you? I've been hoping you'd call! How is the family?" When they insist they are not Helen, tell them to stop joking. This works especially well if the telemarketer is really MALE.
10. Tell the ICICI call centre guy to call on your office number - and give him the HSBC call centre number.

How To Fly Cheap in India

An airline ticket for Re 1 can make anyone go bonkers. Anyone will experience a ear-to-ear grin and excitement.

Flying for such rates was unheard in India sometime back and flying for Re 1 was just unthinkable!

Booking tickets through web that too with low cost airlines in India, it’s almost as if one is flying for free. Majority of us Indians, are long used to our trains and buses to travel from one tip to the other corner of the country. We wouldn’t' have thought of flying as an option.

Flying was for biggies, company work, or when one could afford their high amount fares, or in a dire state of emergency. But these sites and private low-cost airlines offering abnormally cheap tickets makes us sit-up and literally rub our eyes to check that we aren't imagining the ticket prices.

"Hey! I can buy that ticket," is what most of us said and are saying, while searching for ways and means to get hold of them. The thumb rule to get hold of the cheapest tickets is to book tickets through Yatra.com.

If planning to fly on their Bangalore-Mumbai or Bangalore- Delhi route, the amount that you pay is between Rs.2500 to Rs.3500!!! (incl. taxes)

You don’t have to try your luck in advance booking with your travel agent, as in the case of Yatra.com the tickets are all time cheap.

Want luxury as well as low cost? Then Kingfisher Airlines (It calls itself a value carrier) is a good idea.

If lucky you can get a Kingfisher class offering inflight entertainment with a personal television screen at the back of each seat and all the works for Rs 4000 - Rs. 5500 (Incl. Taxes) for the Bangalore-Mumbai. Log on to www.yatra.com

Secret Mobile Code - Try this out on your cellphone

*Use ur mobile*

*Go 2 NEW TEXT message option and activate (T9) - Dictionary and then
hide Ur screen with Ur hand and type *

277451366514612382623

*And see a hidden message in your mobile. Every phone has unique message inbuilt into it*

*It will disappear in 20 seconds if it is Nokia phone and Nokia screen saver will come....for other phones default theme will be automatically applied.....*

You can always trust a Priest!!

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"

"Of course my child. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits. I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"

The priest answered: "I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you". So the Priest hides the hair dryer under his robes.

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.

The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."

Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father……. Next!"

The Secret of Happy Marriage.

Once X asked Y, "What is the secret behind your happy married life?"

Y said, "You should share responsibilities with due love and respect to each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems."

X asked, "Can you explain?"

Y said, "In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other's decisions."

Still not convinced, X asked Y "Give me some examples"

Y said," Smaller issues like which car we should buy, how much amount to save, when to visit home town, which Sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator to buy, monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc are decided by my wife. I just agree to it"

X asked, "Then what is your role?"

Y said," My decisions are only for very big issues. Like whether America should attack Iran, whether Britain should lift sanction over Zimbabwe, whether to widen African economy, whether Sachin Tendulkar should retire etc etc. Do you know one thing, my wife NEVER objects to any of these".

Trip To Mars

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one person could go, and he would never return to Earth.

The first applicant, an American engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going.
"A million dollars", he answered, "because I wish to donate it to M.I.T."

The next applicant, a Russian doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for two million dollars. "I wish to give a million to my family, he explained, "and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research."

The last applicant was an Indian politician (Laloo Yadav). When asked how much money he wanted, He whispered in the interviewer's ear, "Three million dollars." "Why so much more than the others?" the interviewer asked. The Indian Politician replied, "$1 million is for you, I'll keep $1 million, and we'll give the American engineer $1 million and send him to Mars.

Sardar Jokes

Sardarji: I divorced my wife on d 1st nite.
Frnd: Why?
Sardar: I saw d lebel on her panties, "Tested OK by Mafatlal & Sons."

Sardar: Yaar meri biwi paan i se bahut darti hai.
Frnd: Tujhe kaise pata?
Sardar: Dopahar ko ghar aaya to woh bathtub mein security guard k sath naha rahi thi.

Blood test k liye ek nurse ne ek sardar ki ungli se blood lene k baad ungli chusi, sardara hasa.
Nurse: Kyun hasa?
Sardar: Iske baad urine test hai.

Husband & wife having dinner together.
Wife: Darling, tell me something that would make me both happy & sad.
Husband: Ur nipples r bettr than ur sister's!

Suhag raat pe husband ne wife ko 500 ka note deke kaha- Humne yeh kam kabhi free mein nahin kia. Wife ne 200 wapas deke kaha- Humne bhi apno se kabhi jyada nahin liya.

Judge: Can u tell me d exact place where dis man raped ur wife?
Sardar lifted Sardarni's saari & undrwr & said, "Here, my lord, here."

The Phone bill

The phone bill was exceptionally high and the
man of the house called a family meeting...

Dad: People this is unacceptable. You have
to limit the use of the phone. I do not use this
phone, I use the one at the office.

Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home
telephone as I use my work telephone

Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I
always use my company mobile

Maid: So Manje what is the problem? We all
use our work telephones

Free Oranges

Lulu was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to
know. One day, the police raided a whole group of prostitutes
at a sex party in a hotel, and Lulu was among them. The police
took them outside and had all the prostitutes line up along
the driveway when suddenly, Lulu's grandma came by
and saw her granddaughter.

Grandma asked, 'Why are you standing in line here, dear?'

Not willing to let her grandmother know the truth, Lulu
told her grandmother that the policemen were passing out
free oranges and she was just lining up for some.

'Why, that's awfully nice of them. I think I'll get some for myself,'
Grandma said, and she proceeded to the back of the line.

A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all
of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, he was bewildered and
exclaimed, 'Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it?'

Grandma replied, 'Oh, it's easy, dear. I just take my
dentures out, rip the skin back and suck them dry.'

The policeman fainted!